Britons are munching their way through a million Domino’s pizzas a week as the weather, the recession and the revival of Saturday night television combine to keep consumers at home.

As a result, expect a Domino's new you soon... they're set to accelerate their speed of expansion. Mmm. Cheesy.

Recession digression 38 - baby boom [January 19, 2010]

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Normally, apparently, the birth rate goes down during a recession, because financial and job insecurity aren't the kind of environments that encourage a couple to throw away the condoms. But not this time.

Despite the longest recession in 40 years, rising unemployment and falling house prices - factors that might reasonably be considered a deterrent to expanding families - many couples seem to be behaving differently.

So what's changed? Interestingly, the theory is that, with this recession coinciding with a period in which it's more usual than ever for both partners to work, it's being seen as a good time to go through maternity leave... there's simply less to lose.

Recession digression 37 - soon everything really will be a pound [January 11, 2010]

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Budget retailer Poundland is set to expand at a rate of one store per week this year after enjoying record sales over the Christmas period.

By the end of 2010, there will be more than 300 Poundlands in the land.

Recession digression 36 - squabbling couples forced to live together [January 7, 2010]

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A quarter of couples who have split up are being forced to continue living together because of the high cost of housing, research has showed.

The figure's 28%, and the research was by EasyRoomMate. Two-thirds of those enduring a colder atmosphere inside the house than outside, admit it's because of the high cost of living. One in forty are stuck with a joint property because of negative equity.

Recession digression 35 - snaggle-toothed sell braces [December 21, 2009]

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Increasing numbers of dental patients are selling their gold braces in order to capitalise on the soaring price of the precious metal.

They'll be flicking out their fillings next.

Recession digression 34 - trophy wives kicked to the curb [December 2, 2009]

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First it was the wife of a multi-millionaire property tycoon, now it's former ICI chairman Charles Miller Smith's ex-wife, Debjani, with a court order to vacate the premises or risk forcible eviction.

Mr Miller Smith, 70, who earns £350,000 a year, had argued it was unreasonable to expect him to pay an annual £228,000 for upkeep on the property.

Recession digression 33 - middle-class shoplifters [November 11, 2009]

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Andrew Sentance points to evidence that growth might have resumed in the second half of 2009, following last month's surprise (-ingly bad) GDP figures. He reminds us that those were preliminary figures, which may look quite different after revision. More here.

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It seems items are flying off the shelves, and we're not just talking about retail sales.

The value of retail goods stolen rose 20% to £4.88bn in the year to June, the Centre for Retail Research said.

Interestingly, a rise in "middle-class shoplifters", nicking to keep their end up rather than sell on the black market, is an aspect of the new data.

Recession digression 32 - buying bullion at Harrods [October 15, 2009]
Recession digression 31 - push your bodger right in [October 14, 2009]

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Poor interest rates and falling property prices have left wealthy investors looking for alternative asset classes to put their money into. A weak dollar yesterday pushed the gold price to a record high of $1,072 an ounce.

Harrods to the rescue, and, from today, the opportunity to buy gold bullion, over the counter, at the Knightsbridge store.

Recession digression 31 - push your bodger right in [October 14, 2009]

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Austerity Britain has fallen back in love with rag-rugging... the (almost-forgotten, apparently) art of making mats and rugs from scrap material. Except, of course, this time around, it's called "craft" and "folk-art", so the middle classes can enjoy it too. Phew!

Recession digression 30 - Brits who sell body parts [September 28, 2009]

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One person willing to sell a kidney is a 26-year-old mental health nurse who said he needed the money to pay debts after a business he set up went bankrupt. Another is a 43-year-old taxi driver from Lancashire, who wants to raise cash to pay off some of his mortgage and buy a new kitchen.

Where he'll prepare steak-and-kidney pie? I'm so appalled I can barely type.

Recession digression 29 - nuts [September 17, 2009]

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Debt is driving us nuts. Literally.

An estimated 250,000 Londoners suffer from mental health problems as a result of debt, which is costing NHS London £450m a year, a campaign group said.

Recession digression 28 - stray dogs [September 10, 2009]

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A 64% rise in the number of stray dogs reported on the streets of London has been partly blamed on the recession. More here.

Recession digression 27 - small private schools close gates for good [September 9, 2009]

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After 293 years, St. David’s, one of Britain’s oldest independent schools for girls, closed down in July after it ran out of money. “There were lots of tears and temper tantrums among the pupils and anger among the parents,” said Freya’s father, Chris Hogan, who runs his own technology company.

Right, bet that was attractive to witness.

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The credit crunch has led to a cut in congestion on the roads for the first time in at least two decades.

The numbers - courtesy of the AA - are actually quite shocking. A 15% reduction in morning rush-hour congestion is being explained by commuters losing their jobs.

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In America, home repossessions are affecting the health of the nation.

Nearly half of people studied while undergoing foreclosure reported depressive symptoms, and 37 percent met screening criteria for major depression.

The study, conducted by the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine, showed further indirect health affects, as a result of skimping on prescription drugs and skipping meals.

Recession digression 24 - Land Registry employees sent to Pret [August 18, 2009]

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Following a 75% drop-off in residential property registrations (down from 2,526 a day in January 2008 to 627 a day in January 2009), the Land Registry is turning to desperate measures.

[CE Peter Collins] said the group's money saving measures ranged from using second class stamps to closing all of the restaurants in its office.

Recession digression 23 - credit card company can't afford to make payments [July 16, 2009]

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According to American Express, it's okay to say, "Sorry, we just can't make the payments at the moment."

Recession digression 22 - austerity pant finding queried [July 7, 2009]
Recession digression 21 - let's just enjoy this one more time [July 2, 2009]

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At the end of April, all the talk was of the return of the Y-front... an austere pant for an austere economic climate. Just weeks later...

New figures have revealed that fishnet stockings, suspenders, basques, and cleavage-boosting bras are all selling at a "record rate".

Now, it's about staying in and making your own entertainment. For data addicts... fishnets are up 83%, suspenders 50%, basques 45%, and if you'd bought garter futures you'd be laughing with a 71% increase in sales.

Recession digression 21 - let's just enjoy this one more time [July 2, 2009]

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Recession digression 20 - London economy battered by death of King of Pop [June 29, 2009]

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London’s economy is set to lose millions of pounds as it faces the prospect of a “dark house” at the O2 from the cancellation of Michael Jackson’s 50 shows. The performances were an international tourist attraction, luring ticket-buyers from Dubai and Japan, boosting the hotel and aviation trade.

Recession digression 19 - return of the spud [June 23, 2009]

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By contrast, more affordable root crops such as carrots and turnips have enjoyed a surge of 8.8per cent in value and 5.8per cent in volume with the sector now worth £702 million. Potato volumes are also up by 2.1per cent.

Recession digression 18 - Brit banker auctions his entire life [June 18, 2009]
Recession digression 17 - shrinking confectionary [June 3, 2009]

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Home, Aston Martin, boat... it could be yours. The man's divorced, and wants to sever all ties with his former self. APPARENTLY.

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The maker of Mars and Snickers has shrunk the size of the bestselling chocolate bars in what amounts to an under the counter price rise. While the bars have been reduced by 7.2 per cent from 62.5g to 58g, their prices have remained the same.

Mars UK claimed the decision was a gesture toward the battle against obesity.

Recession digression 16 - free Viagra for the unemployed [May 15, 2009]
Recession digression 15 - austerity pants [April 28, 2009]

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Before you get too excited... we're talking about the American unemployed erectile dysfunctional, not the British unemployed erectile dysfunctional. But watch this space.

"Everybody knows now a neighbor, a relative who has lost their job and is losing their insurance. People are definitely hurting out there," Dr. Jorge Puente, Pfizer's head of pharmaceuticals outside the U.S. and Europe and a champion of the project.

Now, you can have sympathy sex with them.

Recession digression 15 - austerity pants [April 28, 2009]
Recession digression 14 - free divorce with that apartment? [April 24, 2009]

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Last month, Y-fronts outsold boxer shorts for the first time since the early 1990s - the last time Britain was in recession.

Recession digression 14 - free divorce with that apartment? [April 24, 2009]

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The latest offer from a property company in Huelva province in southwestern Spain promises a free divorce lawyer to couples who buy one of their three bedroom houses for 68,000 euros (£61,000).

The theory is that buyers are delaying because they can't afford to set up home as singles. Nice. Romantic.

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With the recession biting and large bonuses a thing of the past, some workers in London's financial sector have been pawning expensive watches and diamonds to secure extra cash.

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London's libraries prove popular between November 2008 and January 2009. CV-help industry thrives.

During the economic downturn the most popular books lent out have been on subjects such as jobs, financial advice and how to write good CVs. The number of visitors to libraries went up by 10.3% while the number of new members rose by 18.3%. People are also using the libraries' computers which saw their demand increasing by 20%.

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Nowhere has struggled more than Edgbaston, Birmingham, the official ghost town of the UK. An exclusive survey reveals that an astonishing 67.9 PER CENT of store space in the suburb is empty.

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"If people don't have the money to go out to a fancy dinner or are looking to cut back, Trojan gives them some real affordable ways to stay in and make some great memories together."

Recession digression 9 - Finland sells off Santa [March 25, 2009]

The Rat and Mouse - on the Facebook, on the Twitter

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Hit by the global recession and facing a sharp economic downturn in 2009, Finland has announced that it is selling its stake in Santa Claus's home.

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Debbie - who volunteers at an animal sanctuary in south Wales - says she is hopping mad at the number of enquiries from people looking for pets to fatten up.

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Feather & Black offer a divan complete with hidden safe, for cash and valuables. More here.

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The economy takes a nosedive, tabloid politics take a swing to the right:

The number of properties available for Brits has been squeezed because of the record number of foreigners coming to live here, according to official figures released yesterday.

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It seems that in these unusual times even the likes of Leibovitz need to find cash in unusual places. The photographer has turned to a company called Art Capital that specialises in lending money with fine art as the collateral. The New York Times disclosed yesterday that Leibovitz has borrowed about $15m (£10m) from the firm in two tranches. Records show she secured the loan partly against property, but also by putting up as collateral the copyright, negatives and contract rights to every photograph she has ever taken or will take in future until the loans are paid off.

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Demand for allotments is at an all- time high with more than 100,000 people currently on waiting lists nationwide. Sales of vegetable seeds are outstripping flower seeds for the first time in decades as rising food prices and the lure of homegrown produce create a recession-driven impetus towards self-sufficiency. The initiative is reminiscent of “Dig for Victory” – the campaign that saw public parks and flowerbeds turned over to potato and cabbage production in the Second World War.

The National Trust begins turning over land to the public, so we can grow our own food.

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Signs telling customers that the HSBC branch in Holton Road in Barry was closed for "health and safety reasons" were put up after the incident.

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Not sure how we missed this one. Ex-Rothschilds designer kicked to the curb. Priceless neighbor comment: "A great sense of relief." Posh repo-victim: "I want my house back. I want compensation."

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Websites such as freecycle.org.uk, snaffleup. co.uk and gumtree.com offer good second-hand furniture and what's more, it's free. All you have to do is bring the van.

All you have to do is bring the van. And practice fibbing to your neighbours... you haven't heard of it? It's on Tottenham Court Road...

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