Ralph Bending is banned from Rightmove and Primelocation, that is, for property descriptions like these:

Lease available for what can only be described as a prime piece of retail crumpet.

Horticulturally minded three bedroom thatched cottage with hall, kitchen/breakfast room with 'boil your nuts off' aga.

The Guardian blog admonishes the portals for sense of humour failure, but I'm not so sure this comedy car-crash offers much to laugh at. Stick to selling houses... leave the jokes to the professionals.

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