He's called Malcolm Green, of Greenfields in Hampstead; but - according to prosecutors at Snaresbrook Crown Court - you might know him as Malcolm "Ferdinand" Green or Malcolm "de Villiers" Green (or, and who knows, if he was feeling very grand as he slipped into his topper and spats and clamped down on a monocle, Malcolm Ferdinand de Villiers Green). Really, he's Malcolm Alan Green, and he faces charges of conspiracy, theft and dishonest money transfer. He's accused of conning a schizophrenic customer into investing in bogus property developments, stealing jewelry and rare stamps from the man, and transferring share certificates into his own name. Not nice... but, this is important and we can't stress it enough, he's denying all charges and hasn't been convicted. There's also a little confusion regarding his school days. He claims to have attended Highgate School, but the school has no record of him as a pupil. Furthermore, there's the little matter of an international arrest warrant following a failure to turn up to court previously.

He said: “I fell from a horse and broke my femur while in Cannes. I was in hospital for 17 days and then I went to Switzerland for rehabilitation."

And it's for the pure quality of that line that the Rat and Mouse has decided to honour Mr Green with this award.

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