"John Hutton was there with his wife, Heather," reports one. "We never realised they lived so close, but Hutton was cracking jokes about life on 'old hookie's' street. He was charming, and particularly admired Ben and Neal's front garden, which they've just had redone with smart curved paving stones."

Charming, indeed. Hookie, by the way, is Abu Hamza. Ben and Neal are Ben Bradshaw (Environment Minister) and his boyfriend Neal Dalgleish (Newsnight), and John Hutton is John Hutton (new Work & Pensions Secretary). The person talking - quoted in the Independent - is a mutual neighbour invited to a Christmas party at Ben and Neal's gaff. Because the point of the story is that all four are neighbours in one particular road in Shepherds Bush. Admittedly, Hutton won't be popping next door to Hamza's (yes, he actually lives next door) for a cup of sugar, because Hamza's not home much these days. And what the hell would Hamza be up to with sugar in his kitchen anyway?